‘Brexit from Across the Pond’

By Maria Behan

Brexit has shocked the world—not just Europe, but even those of us over here in head-up-our-butts America. As a Yank who also holds a European passport, Brexit’s impact feels so big, I’m processing it in stages, like grief. Indeed, grief is part of the swirl of emotions I’m feeling: Not only for the self-harming UK, but for the other victim, the idealistic notion turned cumbersome (but still sometimes noble) behemoth that we call the EU.

Stage One: Disbelief. With all the easily foreseeable financial, legislative, and moral damage that will accrue from the “Leave” vote, how could a majority of UK voters possibly cast their ballots so irresponsibly?

Stage Two: Relief. America isn’t the only country where opportunistic politicians appeal to the fearful and sometimes downright bigoted impulses of know-nothing voters.

Stage Three: Panic. America isn’t the only country where opportunistic politicians appeal to the fearful and sometimes downright bigoted impulses of know-nothing voters. I’ve always seen my Irish passport as a get-out-of-jail card if America went down the tubes. But what if Europe slips down the drain as well?

Stage Four: Hope. Maybe one of the wild schemes for invalidating the referendum’s terrible result may actually prove practicable. My favorite scenario is that the whimsically named Nicola Sturgeon (a moniker straight out of Beatrix Potter) will devise a plan whereby canny Scotland saves the bumbling United Kingdom from itself.

Stage Five: Spite. Wales may opt to cling on, but Scotland will certainly extract itself from the dying beast known once known as Great Britain, leaving simply Britain, a laughable backwater that will be easy to ignore.

Stage Six: Rage. Do the idiots who voted “Leave” realize just how many people they’re fucking with? For starters, there’s the unrest that may be unleashed in fragilely poised Northern Ireland. And what about the possible uprooting of everyone from happily retired rosbifs in the Côte d’Azur to young Poles launching careers in London? For these people, and millions of others, all is in scary, potentially ruinous, flux.

Stage Seven: Reflection. What really fueled the impulse to “Leave”? As when looking at the Trump phenomenon in the United States, it’s tempting to paint supporters with the brush of racism and xenophobia—and those impulses undoubtedly fuel both movements. .

But there is real economic and psychic hurt in many of the communities that are most enthusiastic about pulling out of the EU on one side of the pond, and those voting for Trump on the other. We ignore that hurt at our peril. Not only our political peril, but our moral peril as well. When we stereotype these people and consider them “other,” aren’t we committing the same crimes we accuse them of?

One reality that commentators bemoan is the fact that many of the regions that voted in high numbers to opt out of the EU are the very ones that benefit most from that association. On the surface, it’s easy to dismiss those voters as fools who are slitting their own throats.

If you think about it more dispassionately—or more compassionately—you might conclude that those “Leave” voters are longing to return to a time (in some cases, an imagined time) when they didn’t need EU support to bolster their communities, or themselves as individuals. They don’t want subsidies and other “hand-outs,” they want autonomy and self-reliance.

But self-reliance only works in a world where one’s best efforts have a reasonable shot at creating economic and personal security. And in many communities in the U.S. and the UK, those conditions no longer exist. That’s what we’ve got to tackle, and doing so will take more than one or two trips to the ballot box; it’ll take many. Not to mention a revolution in how we think about—and structure—our economic and political systems.

A re-examination of capitalism is necessary if we’re going to address the very real grievances of Welsh fishermen and Detroit autoworkers—but first there’s an election to get through. One of the few good things that may come from Brexit is a wake-up call for America’s progressives, including me. Until last week’s vote, I’d been complacent about Donald Trump, seeing him as an unelectable buffoon who almost anyone can see is lacking a brain, and a heart, and courage (clearly a man who could benefit from a trip to see the Wizard). I’m no longer sure Trump can be so easily dismissed—so I’m going to do all I can to keep the Orange Peril out of the White House. We may not be able to undo the electoral disaster that took place on one side of the Atlantic this June, but maybe we can prevent the one threatening to engulf the other side come November.

‘Trump Britain’

By Erin O’Loughlin

Hillary Clinton is now the president of the United States and Donald Trump is now no longer a politician. He’s searching for something to do with his time as a (wannabe) billionaire and “retired” (aka failed) statesman.  He quickly realises that Brexit has now offered him the opportunity of a lifetime.

“Hey Boris! How are things? It’s me, Donald. Donald Trump. I heard about you when I was in Scotland the other day. I read some of your local papers—seems like you guys don’t have Fox News over there—and it looks like you’re in a little hot water.”

“Uh, hello, Donald. Actually, I’m just fine. I’m, uh, busy healing people and building bridges, as it happens.”

“Well, I gotta say, a new career in construction mightn’t be a bad idea Boris. But the reason I’m calling is to tell you to Keep Calm and Whatever it is you guys like to say. I think I’ve got the solution to what to do now that you’re not in Europe anymore.”

“Donald, I cannot stress too much—”

“You definitely can stress too much, Boris. And it’s not healthy for a man with your figure.”

“I was going to say that I cannot stress too much that Britain is always going to be a part of Europe. I know that no one predicted the UK would really vote to leave, but—“

“Well, you know I predicted Brexit. I pretty much knew about it before you guys even had the idea. And now I have the solution. Boris, I’m going to buy England!”

The line is silent for several long seconds.

“Boris? You still there?”

“I may have misheard you Donald. I thought you said you were going to buy England, haha!”

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do. Think about it—you’ve always wanted to be part of America instead of Europe. This is the perfect way to do it.”

“But, but… you can’t afford to just purchase an entire country!”

“Actually, with what you and your buddies just did to the pound, I pretty much can. And of course, I won’t have to pay for Scotland or Ireland, so that should take the price down a fair bit.”

“No, no, I mean that this is not what we want at all. Brexit was all about taking our country back, by extricating the UK from the EU’s extraordinary and opaque system of legislation.”

“Sure, Boris, sure. And stopping those foreign guys from getting in, am I right?”

“Well, I’m planning on a balanced and humane points-based system of—”

“Yeah, yeah. But here’s the great news: I happen to have a great architectural plan for a wall, never been used. Once we get that up on the Irish and Scottish borders, Britain will be an island.”

“It actually already is an island Donald…”

“Well, what’s all this fuss about being in Europe then? Anyway, once I buy Britain, you’ll be a bona fide Trump property. We’re going to run it like a business. You’ll be part of the Trump brand, and you Boris, will be the new CEO of Britain.”

“Hmmmm, I’ve always rather fancied myself as a CEO.”

“I’ve always rather fancied myself too, Boris, but don’t tell Melania.”

“Ok Donald, I’m in, we’re in! Let’s ruddy well do it!”

“Thatta boy! Trust me Boris, we’re going to make Britain Great Britain again!”

‘A Deep and Shocking Blue’

By Charlotte Brisland

The vote to leave in today’s EU referendum is a saddening, maddening shock to almost half of the population. For once left-wing voters and the city stock brokers sit side by side heads in hands as the pound plummets and human rights hang in the balance. Women and feminists brace yourselves—maternity leave, childcare and equal gender rights were EU policies, and now we are stuck with a menacing-looking Conservative party and a pawing UKIP. Nigel Farage is pissed and happy again, and that can only mean a little derailing and more love for Boris Johnson. The pair are euphoric, Boris grins from ear to ear, holding hands with Farage and rubbing his groin as he eyes up the parliamentary throne. The UK has turned a deep and shocking blue and it is NOT a good shade for anything.

What happens next is completely uncertain. Leave voters look more guilty and surprised than happy, Remain voters are experiencing a rainbow of emotions mostly hovering over anger and shock. Scotland wants a new referendum of independence and if they get it I will be considering a move.

What does this mean for expats living abroad?

What does this mean for immigration?

Johnson speaking on the BBC this morning repeats hypnotic phrases such as ‘now we can control immigration in a safe and humane way rather than following the policies of the EU’. Bandying about left-wing semantics in a generic flurry making me feel temporarily calm until I look again, seeing that this means absolutely nothing whatsoever. What is his idea of ‘humane’ when he is prepared to make this dramatic move of “independence” just so he can eat his saveloy on his new shiny chair and fiddle with his parliamentary crown?

I don’t think I am alone at feeling infuriated that British parliamentary vote meant bombing Syria at a time when it was already a demolished country on its knees from war. The Asian spring was championed by the UK as an incredible and necessary move by the people to shrug off totalitarianism. Many Leave voters used the immigration crisis as an excuse to split from the EU, not willing to help out those we have pushed to homelessness and who are making a dangerous and inhumane journey to “freedom”.

I say ‘we’ with a heavy heart, I did not vote Leave in this referendum, I very much did not. Everyone I speak to feels the same way, I only have one happy friend who voted out.

I would like to say to Europe, from the 48% who voted in, we are sorry to leave you, we are so terribly terribly sorry.